I don’t even know where to begin right now. I guess I should first say be careful what you wish for, as I was hoping for something to write about on a Thousand Candles. I haven’t cried this much in a long time.
Next, I want to say that you are beautiful. Every one of you. No matter who is reading this, you are a valued human being, and without you in this world, my life nor anyone else’s would be the same. I can already tell that this is going to be a hard post to write, as it will touch on a lot without giving away huge details. But let me describe to you what has happened.
In the past few days, out of the blue, a lot of my friends have recently admitted they have thought about and/or tried to commit suicide in the past. I was on that wagon. I have also thought about it before, and wasn’t actually too far from trying. When stress gets to you, it can get so bad that you can’t seem to find any reason why you should be alive. Your mind immediately goes to the conclusion that there is nothing good in your life, and that if you left this world, nobody would care less. You forget all the good things in your life, and all the blessings you have. Don’t forget. The only thing that kept me from really trying was the thought of losing what was nearest and dearest to me. I cannot imagine life without my friends. They are my second family, and if things ever get too much to handle in my first, I know where to turn to. At that time when I was seriously thinking about it, I wrote this:
When you’re in a stressful situation, and you want to get away from it all, you start to see all the ways you can escape. Cars passing by, a rope, a knife. Then, when you start to think about what it would be like to float, to just hover with no worries and no pain, things start to cross your mind. A future, gone. The past, pointless. And the people you love the most are the one’s who will keep you on the ground. You’re the ones who keep me sane, and without you, I wouldn’t be. I love you.
So, there’s my part. I have seriously thought about it. Though in the end, I found my blessings. That was maybe 4 months ago. What all the sudden made this different to me? As I said, a lot of my friends confessed to the same thing. Having thought about or trying to in the past, but getting it controlled. What hits me hardest is the thought that one of them could be trying right now. I don’t even know what to say. I won’t go into details, but it hit me hard. I knew that everyone has at least thought about it before. It was common in kids our age. However, I never would have thought that one of those people who had kept me from doing the same thing, who held a very special place in my heart, would feel that there was nothing worth living for.
It hit me the hardest thinking that, at any second, you could lose the one closest to you, and had a chance to stop it. I broke down. A song ran through my head at that moment:
I dreamed a dream in time gone by, when hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die. I dreamed that God would be forgiving. I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I’m living.
The lyrics spoke to me in that moment. In stressful times, you remember what you thought your life would be like. You had hopes of a life where you felt loved and were loved, but now you feel that that dream was gone, that it was your fault, and that it wasn’t worth it any more. You saw only one way out of this hell. I want you to know that there is another way.
I dedicate this to anyone who has, is, or are thinking about suicide. People don’t say this enough, and it is one of the reasons our whole world is filled with hatred and death. It is 3 simple words, and a smile.
You are loved.
It is not heard enough. Human beings can be disgusting creatures, only finding the faults in another to make themselves feel better about theirs. Human beings are also beautiful, but they keep the beauty hidden inside themselves. Some are just to afraid to admit it.
Everybody is loved, and everyone is valued. Remember this.
This is something I wish I would’ve done more often. We all have those people who we love more than anything else. Tell them this. Tell them this everyday. They need to know, and something as simple as those three words can save them.
So, to everyone out there, you are loved. You are beautiful. Your life is worth living. I want everyone to tell somebody, whether they are close to you, or complete strangers, the same thing.
Everyone is loved. We’re just too shy to admit it.
Please live another day. Remember your blessings. Namaste.
p.s. I am opening my heart to anyone who is thinking about committing suicide. If you need to talk, I am here. Please contact me. You are loved, and your life is worth it.